Dears sons o’ bitches, a.k.a. Target superstores,
I didn’t think a mass retailer would need to have supply and demand explained to them. I also didn’t think this dreamy Liberty of London bicycle would sell out by the afternoon of the very first day it was available. You don’t just manufacture, like, 5 of such adorable, old school, flower-covered cruisers at a price that‘s $500 more sane than other comparably stylish models . And you claim to bring affordable style to the suburbs of America? How about you make a $5 donation to Haitian earthquake victims before the giving spirit wears off. And before my social sensitivity comes back.
“Garla” Ladies Cruiser, $199.99 (target.com)
Come on, Target, you’re not Zanzan (a brand selling sunglasses that are more expensive than bikes but have no transportation abilities…and they’re only making 300 pairs of each style). Exclusivity of merchandise should correlate directly to price point or difficulty of mass production…otherwise, it’s just irritating. When I saw a girl at a recent She and Him concert wearing a vintage leather jacket with a wonderously kitsch wolf painted on the back, I sighed for what would never be mine. When I saw this temptress of a bicycle, I thought, “Hey, I could totally buy that.” Wrong. Speaking of She and Him, I bet Zooey DesChanel couldn’t even get her hands on one of these. And it was practically made in her image.
At least I snapped up the 2nd best offering from the Liberty of London collaboration: this bathing suit.
The peacock feather print is trendy, but the cut feels old Hollywood and is ridiculously flattering. It’s been a holy grail of mine (except one that I don’t care that much about) for the past couple years to find a one-piece that’s not solely designed for those of advanced age, pooch, athletic team affiliation, or Mormonism. This baby gives strapless suits having “a bad name” a bad name, but comes with attachable straps anyway! Plus: SOFT fabric (wha?), no chicken fat (muffin top of the boob/armpit area common with tube tops), and it’s one of the few things that work better on short girls. Go out and buy it! Oh wait, it’s sold out.