Oh, your collegiate grief has left you
dowdy in sweatshirts, absolute horror…
-Vampire Weekend, “One (Blake’s Got a New Face)”
Friends, there are only two weeks left of the school semester. You may be asking yourself, how do I even TRY to look like a well-rested, sane individual who cares about her appearance in addition to essays, final exams, fall registration, outside employment, and those people who look really familiar and are probably your neglected friends?
Good news: you don’t actually have to! There will be plenty of time for flat-ironing your hair (and actually ironing anything else…) when you’re a bored and married ex-gold digger. Amiright?
Speaking as someone who’s had classes that start at 8 a.m. and shifts that start at 5:30 a.m., here are some of my favorite products that are so convenient, they don’t just save time. They CREATE time, despite assumptions that time definitely doesn’t work like that:
Healthy Wear Powder Foundation, Physician’s Formula, $14.95 (physiciansformula.com)
This junk puts the “pow!” in powder. (I’m sorry, I had to.) It provides decent coverage, SPF 50 sun protection(!!!), the expected mattification, and alleged skin-brightening effects via “tomato derivatives and licorice extract.” All this in one portable and cute hot pink/orange compact. My skin likes to be a jerk with excessive rosiness, shine, and a vampiric fear of sunburn. This stuff lets me show it who’s boss in approximately 1 minute instead of wasting time on applying sunscreen, foundation, and powder separately.
Pronto Dry Shampoo, Oscar Blandi, $11 (sephora.com)
I guess there’s nothing like some powder to speed you up. It just takes a few lines of this magic dust deposited from the pointy nozzle to your scalp to soak up grease, restore volume, and leave you smelling all lemony like those slackers who have time to wash their hair every day. Caution to non-blonds: massage it in really well or risk looking like you have dandruff and/or like you’ve just been baking haphazardly with flour.
Benetint Pocket Pal, Benefit, $20 (sephora.com)
I might not go so far as to call it my pal, but I do love Benetint. Originally formulated for reddening nipples (???), this stuff can be blended into lips and cheeks alike, where it will dry in a flash and stay there pretty much indefinitely. And it smells exactly like rose petals. I had the original glass bottle that makes you look like a head-case applying nail polish to your face, but this newer packaging with lip gloss attached looks like a better idea. Risk of spilling it in a dentist’s waiting room (check) and later dropping it to its glassy death on your tile floor (check) probably decrease. Improvements aside, this isn’t kid stuff–spill it and you’ll be saying, “Out, damned spot!” enough to get accidentally cast in Macbeth. Which happens to me all the time.
Ever Sequoia Pinstripe Romper, Free People, $188 (freepeople.com)
Ever wonder how much time you waste by putting on shorts AND a top? Hurry up and just put on a romper.
Something I actually wonder is why college campuses aren’t overflowing with sundresses, especially in already-hot Austin. How are sweatpants and t-shirts easier or more comfortable? Slip on a dress. Slip on sandals or canvas sneakers. Shove cardigan in backpack for chilly classrooms. Relax. Learn. Solved.